Amberskinner’s Weblog
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What was I THINKING?!!! Wait, was I even thinking?

Warning: This blog post has nothing to do with running.

So, anyone who really knows me or works with me knows that I’m unhealthily obsessed with being to work on time.  Not just in the building on time, but logged onto my computer and ready to be a contributing member of my staff…on time.  As my shift begins at 6 am, I’m generally to work by quarter to or thereabouts.  I admit that weird things do sometimes happen to me (like my car not starting or being completely caked in ice) which force me to work from home.  This would not be a big deal except that I’m the only editor on in both the west coast and east coast offices for two hours.  And if I don’t get to work on time, THE WHOLE OFFICE WILL MELT!!

So, this morning I woke up as usual at 4:30 am, jumped in the shower, and got all ready for work.  I walk outside to rain/sleet, which is no big deal since there aren’t too many cars on the road yet at 5:15 in the morning.  I navigate down 16th street, through U street/Florida Ave., and out of the city via New York Ave without incident.  At this time it’s still raining/sleeting, which is still no big deal.  Highway 50 is a little slower than usual due to the weather, but nothing unexpected.

So by exit 2 I’ve broken away from the pack of slow moving cars and trucks and am galloping freely down the highway towards the office on exit 8.  Somewhere around exit 3A, something flies into my windshield, disrupting my wiper pattern.  I barely notice whatever it was that was momentarily on my windshield, foolishly thinking that my wiper blades will slice through the irritant and power on.  All of the sudden, the two wipers get tangled in each other and snap off. It happened in one second.  And one second later, I was barreling down highway 50 at approximately 75 miles an hour, without windshield wipers, and in the rain.

Ok, ok, ok, I’m not panicking…I roll down my window, stick my head out, glide onto the left shoulder, and put my hazard lights on.  Apparently though, I was NOT in the shoulder but rather halfway on the left lane.  After several large trucks laid on their horns whilst swerving to narrowly miss hitting my tiny Saturn, I figure it out and move properly to the shoulder.  At this point I call my boss to tell her, “um…I’m gonna be late, I think…”  Then I call my dad, who makes me furious by first asking me, “Well, how long is it gonna rain?” Are you kidding? How the F@*# would I know that?!  After which he gives me very sound advice to simply stay there with my hazards on until it gets light enough to drive.

OBVIOUSLY by now I’m worried about being late to work. Obviously. So I don’t listen to my dad and I don’t take my boss’ offer for her to come get me. I start driving again…slowly, slowly and on the shoulder. Exceeeeept, I can’t see anything. Nothing at all.  I have my head out the window and my hazards on but it’s a little hard to drive that way. Who knew?

Anyway, while I’m creeping along the shoulder, I accidentally hit one of those three-foot highway markers with the iridescent circles on the top.  Darn it.  I continue to creep along the shoulder, taking care to stop and wind around the poles from then on.  Finally I make it to the highway 50/beltway merge, but darn it again, I’m on the left shoulder and I need a right exit. Hmmmm, I wait until there are only a few cars and I gun it across five lanes of highway.  If you’ve ever been on highway 50 before 6 am, you’d know that along most exits are a row of semis who have parked so their drivers can catch a few hours sleep.  What does this mean for me? No shoulder on the right.  So, I’m gliding down the exit ramp to MLK highway at approximate 15 miles an hour with a looong string of honking motorists behind me, oh, and my head out the window.  Yesssss!

**I have to mention that the whole while I’m driving like this, I canNOT figure out why I’m getting honked at so much!  It’s clear that my car is broken from my hazard lights, RIGHT?  Wrong. This morning I figured out that only ONE of my blinkers works, so from behind it looks like I’m just trying to make a left turn. Again, yessss!

Ok, I get to work and literally run in the building, switch on my computer, and call the boss!  Only 20 minutes late, awesome! But I’m still distraught that I was not logged in by 6 am and am already thinking of how to cut my lunch break short to make up for a lost 20 minutes.

As I sit here reflecting upon my pre-dawn commute, I have to say that continuing to drive this morning was one of the dumbest decisions I’ve made since adolesence.  It was really stupid and dangerous, and I can’t believe I did that. But my boss said she’d bring me cookies today 🙂 The End.

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6 Responses to “What was I THINKING?!!! Wait, was I even thinking?”

  1. And she snuck in a cupcake. 🙂

  2. This is a total scotty. 😉

  3. NOT Scotty! Not THAT bad, right? (No offense, Scott).

  4. The fail is spreading…

    The whole time I was reading your blog, I pictured this: http://www.bobpitch.com/anon/funkstar_AceVentura.jpg

  5. Scott, think Ace Ventura driving a standard instead of an automatic…bad news.

  6. This remains today, one of my (if not THE) best memories of working with Amber! Be sure to keep these stories coming from Paris


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